The People of State College Part Fifteen: Old Women Crossing the Street

   My brother moved into my apartment last weekend.  I went back to show him the ropes.    I concentrated on street crossing rules as these are defining.  For example: A New Yorker must never run while crossing a street.  Also,  if others are crossing the street it is always acceptable to follow along, regardless of how many cars with a green light are waiting (or even ambulances).  

     During the weekend we watched as one man casually walked in front of a charging city bus.  He missed the bus by only two feet but he didn't speed up and neither did the bus slow down.  They both had timed it well and that was that.  

   Street crossing in State College is different.  Walking home from research yesterday I was stuck behind a large group of old ladies.  They were walking very slowly and the extra time it would have taken to walk around or through them did not allow me to cross by the time  the light turned red. So I waited.  I wondered why the elderly are allowed in public.  They are not safe in cars or as pedestrians.  I think we should give them all wheelchairs.  They could have locks in the back so they could only be operated by some one pushing the chair, and not the rider of the chair.  Then if people felt like it, they could push an old person where they needed to go.  Otherwise, the old people could just wait and let life pass them by (they would not be upset by this as waiting around is a favorite pastime of the elderly).    

   While I was waiting for the light to turn I looked to my left.  I was trying to catch the lady who was standing there in the act of staring at me.  I couldn't because she looked away too quickly.  One of my favorite things is staring people down.  I can tell out of the corner of my eye if some one is looking at me and if I catch them I glance back, forcing them to look away.  Or sometimes, I'll be staring at some one else (often thinking up crazy stories about them).  And I can anticipate  when they are going to turn their head to see if I'm looking at them.  So right before they do I look away, pretending to be enthralled by something in the distance.   I then casually look back at the person and make my expression very accusatory.  "How dare you look at me."  And they are embarrassed and look down in shame.  The point of this tangent is that you can always win a staring contest if you did not initiate it.  It's kind of like tic tac toe, where the second player can always force a tie (and therefore never lose).

  When the signal turned to walk I started to cross the street.  I noticed the old ladies had only advanced about six feet down the sidewalk.  I was amazed that people could walk that slow.  Maybe this is why we allow the elderly to roam the streets freely.  Because the moments of annoyed wonder they give us have a truly priceless quality.