Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The People of State College Part Seven: Old Guy At Bar

On Tuesday my conservative lab mate invited me to sushi with him and his girlfriend. I agreed to go because I'll go wherever I'm invited. By adopting this policy I have some place to go once every other month. The rest of the time I sit in my room and weep.

After dinner we went to a bar. My lab mate loves country music and it was country night at the bar (I provide this as further evidence that he's a conservative). We sat down at the counter and ordered a few drinks (which are amazingly cheap in State College). We were sitting at the corner of the counter. I was on a stool, to my left the counter turned a corner, and then came my conservative lab mate and then came his girlfriend, also both on barstools.

After a pleasant first half hour the stool to my right became occupied. By an old man. He stared at us with a weird half grin. I smiled back at him and then looked away, a little creeped out. He didn't stop staring. I should have realized that he wanted to talk to us. My conservative lab mate said hi.

The man's mouth became a faucet. But not a regular faucet. The kind that gives out tap water(perfectly good to drink although some will only drink the bottled type). It became one of the industrial faucets that clearly says "non potable water" above it.

His monologue was true to old man form. He started off by complaining. After this he moved on to some more complaining. After a little more complaining he finally started giving out "wisdom." This amounted to telling us how much we would hate life in thirty years. At just under three hours, his old man spiel was surprisingly short. I actually didn't stay for the end of it and had to get filled in the next day.

His basic point was that when we get older we will compromise our principles to get ahead. I can't go into detail about it as remembering his words sends me toward sleep.

It seems weird to me to try and join the conversation of three complete strangers. To start talking to one person sitting alone makes some sense. But three? Although I guess three makes more sense than two or four.

To legitimize the conversation he bought some alcohol. I feel like this is a weird form of prostitution for friends. I wish I would have refused. But I didn't actually drink from the pitcher of beer he bought.

My few trips to the local gay bar had prepared me for listening to old person spiels. But the old people there are gay. So they're filled with all sorts of intriguing quirks. Or at least most of them have earrings. At any rate, even if I'm not interested in what they say, I can invent stories in my head about past adventures they've had. With this guy, the only thing my brain would come up with was him sitting in front of a computer and clicking yes or no on the screen.

P.S. I hope no one is this hard on me when I am old.

No comments: